I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
