Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
