The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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