Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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