Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
