Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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