I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
