just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
