My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
