So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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