please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
