you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
