apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
