There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
