Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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