I'm laying in your front yard are you home
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
