also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
