I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
