idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
