Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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