Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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