I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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