Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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