i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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