lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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