hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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