Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
