I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
