I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
