The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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