I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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