You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
