the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
