but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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