May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
