i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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