well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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