talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
