Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
