What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
