My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
