He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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