Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
