meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
