he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize