she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
