I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
