This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just high enough for therapy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize