so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
