I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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