I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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