what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize