chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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