just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
