this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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