she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize