Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In America we eat man semen.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
