So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
