i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
