I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
