he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
