the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
