I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found your dick twin last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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