I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
