I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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