I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
