I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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