We got so high we made milksteak
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it glows. i had to have it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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