I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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