He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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