Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
