just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
