I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
