Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
