I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
