He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
