no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
