Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
