This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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