It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
