When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
