i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
