dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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