Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
