New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
