Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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