Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize