Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
two words...techno handjob
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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