I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
