I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
