I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
