I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
