think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
