Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
