He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
