Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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