your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
