i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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