We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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