im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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