do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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