Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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