I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
