If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
