I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
